Confidence

Confidence is an interesting thing. It seems that lately I have been running into people who are bursting with it and it's deadly partner assertiveness. It happened again yesterday.

I'm not a really confident person and you know how when you were in school there were people who had talent. Some were gifted in sports, or music, or writing, or science, or acting. Well, I had no gifts. Really, seriously, all I could do was bake cookies and chat with people.
That's what I was good at.

Those were the gifts I brought into my marriage and family.
Cookies and conversation.
That evolved into loving to have people over to my house to eat and talk.
Because of that, I have set many a table in my 53 years.

So, it came as a surprise to me yesterday when I was setting the brunch table for a mom's brunch of 11 guests when one of the mom's who had arrived early began to help me. I had planned a lovely Fall tablescape (that's the word that Sandra Lee always uses on the Food Network). The tablecloth was down, the fall paper plates from Target were in place, and I had brought silverware from home
to add a touch of class and save on the budget.

My 40 year old helper grabbed the bag of silverware and napkins and began putting them by the plates. I looked at the place setting and noted that the napkin was to the right of the plate with the knife (blade out) and the fork next to it. The spoon was at the top of the plate, nothing was to the left of the plate. Plus, the silverware was slightly askew
so I figured she was just
throwing the pieces next to each place for me to arrange.

So, I began. Napkin to the left or on top of the plate with the fork on it. Knife to the right of the plate with the blade facing in and the spoon to the right of that. My friend looked over at me and said, "Oh, is that how you want to do it? I was doing it the proper way,
but if that's how you want it, that's fine."

Now, keep in mind, I was in charge of this brunch. So, I said, "Oh, I thought you were just putting the pieces by the plates for me to arrange. The way I always was taught was to put the knife to the right of the plate with the blade facing in and the little gimmick
I taught my kids was to think
that the knife protects the plate from the spoon."

She said, "No, I taught etiquette plus I worked for a caterer for 5 years.
The fork always goes to the right of the plate
because most people are right handed."

Now my dilemma. I'm 53. Never, have I seen the fork to the right and the spoon above the plate when only three pieces of silverware are being use. It looked really goofy, but I thought, she must know, she taught etiquette, after all. So, goofy as it looked and intimidated by her assertiveness, we set the table her way.
Plus, you choose your battles in life
and silverware is not the mountain I am going to die on.

Of course, what I did immediately upon arrival at home was google "How to set a table" and after that "How to set a formal table."
THE FORK NEVER GOES ON THE RIGHT.
If you have a 5 course dinner in the making and are using a dessert spoon and a seafood fork, they go on the top, but if you are only using 3 pieces of silverware,
the napkin goes on the left, with the fork on top
and the knife goes blade in on the right with the spoon on the outside.

So, now you know how to set a proper table. The thought that I am pondering is the idea of confidence and lack of knowledge.
I have no doubt that this person thought I was in the wrong
and she in the know.
The only issue was that she was confident and wrong.

It's been a theme of my life lately.
People who are confident and wrong.
I have tended to defer to them.
Sometimes it's a good thing to defer
(like when your dealing with silverware).
Sometimes it's a sin
(like when you're dealing with truth).

I want to have confidence to stand up for the things that matter
and grace to tolerate the things that don't.

And, always remember the knife protects the plate from the spoon.