I was just thinking about a few of the things I've learned in life. Here are some of them in no particular order.
-When someone tells you something is a win-win situation. It's probably not.
-The Big Dipper is lovely.
-Stay away from a church where the philosophy is: "We want to be just like the church in the New Testament. We also just want to do everything the Bible tells us." (Noble thoughts, but lacking theological discernment)
-If you ever have to preach a sermon, don't use the word "naked" unless you are reading from the Bible.
-When the guy on TV tells you the Lord told him you should send him some "seed" money. Don't.
-Old Navy flip flops get slippery on wet Sam's Club floors.
-Don't mix ammonia and bleach.
-If you wash your cell phone in the washing machine, it doesn't help to leave it in a vat of rice.
-Also, if you hang your shirt over the railing on your entryway stairs and your phone falls out of the pocket and lands in the basement and the screen goes fuzzy and you go to Boy Scout camp while your wife is at the pool learning how to text message you and sends you a message that says, "I love 'yot'," you won't be able to read it.
-After you turn 40, you notice that those new soy inks make type faint and blurry.
-The Dairy Queen on Sanibel Island is the best DQ in the world.
-On a different food note, the McDonald's in Garrison is the best McDonald's in MN.
-Rachel Ray is all over the place.
-So is Paula Deen.
-If you are up in the middle of the night and turn on the TV you will hear lots of people tell you how to make lots of money (Real estate, day trading), how to remove the toxins from your colon, or how to get a guaranteed blessing from God (which usually involves sending in some money). The best thing to do is go right back to sleep as fast as you can.
What have you learned?
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2 comments:
I've learned:
1. Everything really does seem better in the morning.
2. You should never use as an excuse for speeding, "I'm sorry officer, I'm really out of it this morning."
3. If you get Pumpkin Spice Lattes from Starbucks, get them with half flavor, Fat free, and No whip... they taste a lot better and they have a TON less calories.
4. Some people have stretchy skin that firms up after pregnancy. Others have skin that has given up on being elastic and instead hangs as a sort of worn out waist band. I'm not saying WHO has WHAT type of skin... I'm just saying there are two types. Some people also pray for miracles.
5. Skin elasticity is the least of our worries.
6. Having kids is worth it.
About number 3, is is okay to get the fat free, but with the whip? Please, pretty please?
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